Moral values from early life, key for success!

It is dinner at school, with students eating noisily in the hall. My name is called out on the public address system, by the duty teacher, to stand on the table. I wonder what I have done to be so humiliated, as no reason is mentioned. The hall falls silent, with all eyes on me as I remain seated. He walks up and pulls my collar. I say to him, ‘you are choking me', but he continues to tug. I am dizzy and feel he is strangling me. I decide to free myself before I faint. I turn and take a swing, which stuns him and he releases the hold. I adjust my shirt and walk out of the hall, knowing there would be consequences. The school authorities suspend me. I deserve it. 

“This is not how I raised you!” my father berates me. My parents restrict me to my room during the period of suspension. The loneliness is punishing and I am sad. 

I learned that one should not act on impulse, but reflect on consequences, to decide on options. 

I had been a model student in my early years until the fourth form when I did not resist the influences of friends who introduced me to truancy. I once was permitted to visit a dentist in town and a friend asked me to buy him a packet of cigarettes. On my return, he asked if I wanted to try it. I followed him to a secluded part of the school where I took my first drag. I was later introduced to alcohol and gradually began to miss classes. As a result of these habits, my academic performance deteriorated. I failed the final examinations and had to repeat. 

“You are better than this!”, my parents admonished when I showed them my report. My parents withdrew me from boarding school and stripped me of any frills. I was disappointed in myself. 

I learned that past successes were no guarantee of future success and that the people with whom one associates, has an impact on one’s performance, goals, and ambitions. 

Every Saturday during school holidays, my sibling and I accompanied my father to his farm, to clear, ridge, plant, weed, and harvest crops. The various stages of farming were timed to coincide with the seasons. We would then take the harvested crops back home and store them before we either consumed or sold them, Apart from the accomplishments, farming enabled us to bond in a special way, and also helped minimize the idle time that could have become the 'devil's workshop' 

I learned of the rewarding benefits of planning, hard work, determination, and perseverance

During those early years, my father had also invested in the poultry business and experienced losses. He turned to a certain Alhaji, a successful poultry farmer for help, and through his support, my father turned the business around. They developed a close friendship, and Alhaji who had not previously considered the education of his children as important, due to his cultural and non-literate background – told my father he noticed that every young person in my father’s home was studying. He observed that although he was richer than my father, there was an air of confidence and sense of direction in my father’s children, that was lacking in his own children, which he ascribed to education. He sought my father’s help for his children which my father obliged. Eventually, two of Alhaji’s children graduated from the University and went on to achieve higher success.

I learned education is worth more than material inheritance a parent could bequeath a child. I learned the value of reaching for mentorship to change one’s trajectory - it takes humility and courage to seek help. 

I once returned home past midnight from a hangout during my University holiday. Our house was fenced and gates locked by 10 pm. The way I usually got in was to climb over the 8-foot fence. As I jumped down on this day, I heard a distinct cough. It was my father, resting on a camp bed, where he normally lays to get fresh air, especially during electricity cuts. That night, he was also waiting for me. He beckoned and I prepared for a reprimand. He asked if I had reflected that a senior military officer lived next door and that any of his guards could assume I was an intruder and shoot at me. I had not. I shivered at the thought. 

I learned of the power of inquiry rather than articulation to make a powerful impact. My father’s engaged approach achieved far more than fury could have done, as it led me to better introspection. I also learned of the need for holistic rather than narrow thinking. I had been so focused on getting back into the house that I had not reflected on the other wider implications, such as being mistaken for an intruder and shot at. 

I taught at a school during the one-year national service. One day I heard a commotion in the next class and found out that some male students were harassing a female teacher. I stepped in to disperse them and escorted the teacher to the staff room. Following review, the students were expelled. A few days later, while supervising students after school hours, the expelled boys arrived and attacked me with machetes and clubs. One swung his cutlass aloft towards my head, and whilst I dodged the full extent, I received a deep cut around the left eye. I scrambled and ran, jumping fences to reach a house, where a family hid me in their house roof. The police would later rescue me and take me to the hospital for medical treatment. 

I learned that courage and standing for what is right is important, despite the personal risks, and that sacrifices are required for any good cause. I learned that traveling an unwavering path is a great attitude to take in life, but comes with a price, and one needs to think proactively on protection and avoiding exposure. 

I later taught in college in my first job. I put myself wholeheartedly into teaching, taking time to study wide to be able to impact knowledge on the inquisitive students. The authorities took notice of my hard work, determination, and drive for excellence, and appointed me examination coordinator and sports master. I loved teaching for its inherent transformative nature – from when young kids start, knowing little, through to when they complete their studies, armed with knowledge, and go on and achieve greater things.

I learned that nurturing others to succeed brings joy. I learned the nature and benefit of multi-tasking. 

Our parents took us to church regularly while growing up, and we read the bible and prayed daily at home. The Ten Commandments were repeatedly taught to us and made the most impressionable impact on me. I learned about values like love for God, compassion for others, honesty and integrity, respect, humility, and sanctity of life, all of which have remained with me till today. I also learned other values from observing my parents. One was on continuous lifelong development from watching my mother attain a PhD in her 50s. Another was my father’s support of his wife to reach great heights. I learned contentment from my father, and in later life, with more important family responsibilities, I would only own a Kia Picanto car as Director, and had no car as a Vice President, happily walking 30-minutes to work and back daily in Hague. I also learned from observing my father at work, that every strength has its challenge, as his insistence on integrity and doing the right thing, was viewed as inflexible. 

I learned parents play a major role in the development of their children, through the values they espouse and their actions. Parents are natural role models and inspiration for children, to help them learn from key events and missteps. These provide endless opportunities to imbibe values and build a character that would become useful guides in later life and for career success.

Conclusion

The values learned during my early years came to play a key role in my adult life and career successes. The values such as honesty, integrity, humility, excellence, and courage, were particularly more impactful, than even intellectual abilities.

Parents must not in the course of the intense hectic crazy busy life in today’s world, in the chase for money, fame, and career, sacrifice spending adequate time with children to help them develop the character of moral values. Simply paying school fees and providing a comfortable life for children is not enough. The disadvantage of the digital world, such as the negative effects that social media can have, means that parents need to prioritize and build a close, value-driven, attentive relationship, with their children. This is especially as learning is not a neat straight line, but needs repetition and practical examples. This is also as sometimes in life, for every few steps one takes forward, there is a step back, and thus a need to relearn. No school can fill the role of parents, and a failure to build the character of children risks coming back to haunt a parent, in later life.

Finally, a preponderance of the absence of inculcating core moral virtuous values in children, affects the character of society, as the children grow up to adulthood with the wrong attitude. Many countries are today grappling with the effect as seen in the high levels of negative behaviors and societal crime (theft, fraud/corruption, rape, discrimination, depression, homicide, and drug abuse), especially as virtuous values are harder to change or learn in adult life.  

Moral values acquired in early life are of great importance for an individual, and society’s future success.